Year 2007 I can simply declare as the hardest year of my life. I should have dealt with many hardships in the first few months.
I had to deal with the recovery feeling of breaking of with one that I love the most. We’re separated, apart and nothing we could do to fix the broken heart. I could not even turn back time, to change it.
I also had to deal with the hardship during my internship days in UNESCO Jakarta, when I lost my spirit, and enthusiasm. I had to deal with my tough and challenging boss. At the same time, I had to prepare my materials for the five-day ICT training in Banda Aceh and write the mission report. Not only that, My contract was amended and I had to finalize the CI Unit Newsletter #2, during which I got many pressures from my boss, to fix this, to fix that, which I didn’t find when the previous intern worked on the Newsletter #1. To complete the misery, I also had to face financial problems for my day-to-day life in
Jakarta – during the internship – which I never told anyone, but my mom. Finishing the internship final report isn’t an easy job either. Even though eventually, I presented it on the third week of March and submitted the report in the third week of April.
I was even shocked, on the day I registered for the new semester in campus, on my dad’s birthday, February 15, late afternoon, after my mom called – not long after that – I got a call that she is hospitalized. I was confused and felt like being hit on my chest and lost my breath.
I dunno, what to say about this year…
Mom was hospitalized for about one week, until dad brought her home due to financial problems, he wanted her to be taken care for at home. Well, I couldn’t say anything. Everyone blamed for that, for her sickness. I feel guilty and miserable. I talked to her once after she went home, and when I heard her voice I lost my courage to hear that again. I could sense the pain she dealt with. So, I decided to text my dad only to ask about her condition. Quite regularly.
After the newsletter finished, I went to UNESCO office and grabbed some copies – 100 copies to be exact – and brought them back to Cikarang to be distributed in campus and given to some people. I sent 2 copies for my mom and my aunt in
Surabaya. It was on Saturday after Crisis Communication Class and I planned to go to Bandung to come to Yudha’s party before he went to
Japan, and asked him further information about the UNESCO Youth Forum 2007. I sent them and would arrive in
Surabaya on Monday, the next week.
Monday morning, March 26, I messaged my dad to ask about if the newsletter had arrived and about my mom’s condition. I attended class and consulted my thesis timeframe. I planned to delay the finalization, to get better content quality. I talked to my Dean, Felix about all that. I even told him that I would dedicate my thesis to my mom, as she had struggled a lot for me to finish my study in
University. I told him, “I just realized that I loved her so much for what she has given to me this far.” While my mobile vibrated – silently – that I thought it was just a friend’s call.
Then I talked to my thesis advisor, about it too and my mobile kept vibrating but I ignored it. I walked home, and my mobile vibrated again then I answered it’s my friend. I talked for a moment till I arrived home. It’s different from the other day that I would pray – usually I was too lazy to pray – faith crisis. Then I charged my another mobile phone, while praying.
Then it rang many times, after I finished my prayers. I answered and it was my sister in law from
Makassar, with trembled voice, she said the mom passed away. I was shocked, but she asked me to make sure that it was right.
I called dad, and he was crying. I screamed out loud, I cried as I lost my sense. I cried and cried louder. I couldn’t deal with them. At one moment, I felt that life stopped. I hung up the phone and I kept crying. I don’t know what to do. I prayed again to calm down my uncontrolled emotion.
I called my friend to say about this news and asked to drive me to the airport to catch the last flight. I messaged Intan about this and I asked her to come to my house to accompany me for a moment while waiting for a friend – Aris – to drop me to the airport bus station.
Intan and some friends came after I finished packing my clothes and waiting for Aris but he didn’t even come, soon. I called him and he said he couldn’t. I was a bit irritated. Then I walked to the main street with them to find ojeg. I hopped on and asked him to drive me to the bus station. But the station seemed empty from afar. I spotted Muslim’s car. I jumped off the ojeg and stopped him with his friends. I asked him to drive me to the airport or to Pancoran to go to the airport with my friend.
What a hardest day and night. On the way to Jakarta, I received so many SMSs already, people’s and friends’ condolences. I tried to calm down myself and not to cry.
I asked him to drop me to Pancoran as I’d go to the airport with my friend. On the way to the airport I cried along the way. I get off the car and I ran to get the last flight out ticket, but I missed them. Damned! With miserable clothes – appearance – I ran and ran from one ticket counter to another but that night everything was sold out and last flight already took off.
I went back to Jakarta and stayed over night in my friend’s house after getting my dinner. We went back again at around 4.30 am to the airport.
(I couldn’t continue this now… I couldn’t. I need to rest and get a break)