Daily Archives: June 7, 2008

When You Believe

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Dearest Diary,

I have been busy with my thesis writing, time is coming close and i haven’t made any significant progress. i have been depressed a little bit, trying to get out of this cuff but i just couldn’t let myself runaway. this is my final obligation before i can receive my undergraduate title, i understand it completely. but since this is my third topic, i felt a little bit bored and upset, also sorry for myself and wondering why i couldn’t have finished that earlier. i  blame myself for this, somehow; as i don’t have anything or anyone to blame, though i know that it wasn’t completely my faults; there are also external factors.

i hate this, i have to struggle all by myself, figure out the best way to get myself focused on this assignment. it is not that easy. i don’t know why. i try to pray to God, but it was not so easy either. i am confused. i have no one to talk to in here. people, families and friends whom i thought i could rely on and talk to, also thought they could help me out here, they are simply gone, forgetting about their promises and vows. i’m here all alone, just myself.

yet financial concerns force me to work to earn some money, as i don’t receive anymore supports from my families. it is to support also my thesis research, to buy some text books for the references, to travel for library research and consultation. it is too complicated. yet, i also still have to pay my school tuition. i really have to turn my head all around to look for the easiest way to earn a lot of money with little time to spend. i know that i will still receive some money from my side jobs, but i don’t know when they will be paid, everything is so uncertain. the problems keep coming, one by one, but people keep going also one by one-leaving me all alone. i know that’s the nature.

i have been trying hard to get myself closer and closer to God, as the only escape – my only savior…

anyway, i know also that i still have a little optimism inside, that i can use to hardly go on to finish my thesis, i know that i m pretty close to it, i don’t want to stop or quit now. otherwise there will be no point to go this far, don’t you think?

all i need now is a miracle. there is one saying mentions, “if you want a miracle, be a miracle.” it means i have to be a miracle for myself. i still believe that somehow, i still can be, though i know that it will be very hard for me to do and to be, but i will try.

this reminds me of a song, ” when you believe” i used to cry when i listen to this song as it gives me strength also the song, “you raise me up” i think it is again about out closeness and acceptance of God.

i feel better after this paragraphs. thank you for listening and reading, also understanding my absences these days.

my thesis submission will be on july 18, and the examination will be from july 21 – august 8. i will do my best for this, not for anyone but myself. I hope I can make it this time..

Here is the song of “When You Believe” by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston

Many nights we’ve prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away

Yet now I’m standing here
My heart’s so full I can’t explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I’d say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don’t always happen when you ask
(Oh)
And it’s easy to give in to your fears
(Oh…Ohhhh)
But when you’re blinded by your pain
Can’t see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief
(Ohhh)

There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It’s hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe

You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe…in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee