Screams in the Dark Time


January 11, 2003

My God…
I don’t know why
Why I do feel this way
It seems alive to me
But I’m dying inside
I feel like I were real jackass
It’s totally stupid thing ever to me
I feel like I were nothing
Just really look like garbage
What a crap…!!
I don’t want this feeling
I just want to live my life
Like everybody else does
I don’t want to surrender
But the wide ocean in front of me
It seems to me that
It’s very difficult to continue the battle
But it ain’t over exactly
I feel like I lose all my energy
To stand up, to fight once again
Oh my only Lord…
The owner of my body and soul
My life must go on
Please help me to pass this over quickly
Give me courage and strength
To continue the duty in the rest of my life
I feel like I would die now
But in the other side
I still want to live
And find again the lost spirit
I swear this is definitely exactly hard
I’ve no more energy against this feeling
And I feel like I had lost all of my valuable capabilities
Become really like my worst enemy
Can You hear me screaming this sorrow
Please, God!
Reach me out of the deepest ocean
Of this kind of awful life’s odds
I don’t know what I do suppose to do anymore
I have no idea in case I lose my healthy brain
Now I want to be anybody else
Who has a better life
Or just live in hundred centuries ago
When this life wasn’t so complicated
And people had limited various ambitions
You know what?
I regret I live in this mad century
I just want to be a very simple person
Who only knows praying to You
And lives very ordinary day…
Please forgive my silly words

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